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A Little Chuckle
Catholic Shampoo... Shopping in a local grocery store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have a beer, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had an obviously surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.' Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. 'The curlers are on me.'
Public Service Announcement
Gas has dropped all the way to $4.15 out here on the west coast
Can you believe it! Wow this is awesome. No excuses folks! Go and drive like the good old days !!!
Do you detect the sarcasm?
For the Married Women
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked,' Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my
wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
Sometimes ... you got to laugh.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so I took her to a gas station... and then the fight started....
~~~ Back to the Future ~~~
Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?
California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.
So basically, it was just like it is today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.
Today's blog provided by John Junk
Election Humor (If there is such a thing)
Thoughts from across the
pond...
An email from
Ireland to the brethren in the States...a point to ponder despite your political
affiliation:
'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why
people are even bothering to hold an election in the United
States.
On one side,
you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants
on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the
wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the
country her husband wants to run.
Now...On the other side, you have a
nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate Mc
terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns
a beer distributorship.
What in Lords name are ye lads thinking over there in the
colonies??
Politcal Humor mostly for Republicans.
HOT AIR
BALLOON
A
woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost.
She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.
She shouts to him,
"Excuse me, can you help me?
I
promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am.
The man consults his portable
GPS and replies,
"You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground
elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.
You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude
and
100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes
and yells, "
You must be a Republican!"
"I am," replies the man.
"How did you know?"
"Well,"
answered the balloonist,
"everything you tell me is technically correct,
but I have no idea what to do with your information,
and I'm still lost.
Frankly, you're not much help to me.
"The man smiles and responds,
"You must be a Democrat."
"I am,"
yelled the balloonist.
"How did you know?"
"Well,"
says the man,
"You don't know where you are
or
where you're going.
You've risen to where you are,
due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep,
and now you
expect me to solve your problem.
You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met,
but somehow,
now it's my fault."
***
Quote of the Day!
I had to post this. It's from the late comedian George Carlin: "Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of all people are stupider than that." -George Carlin
Breaking News Rerun
GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED
BY FLOOD
Crawford , Texas (AP) -- March 7th, 2007
A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept. Both of the books have been lost.
A presidential spokesperson said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one.
The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.
I don't care if you're politically on the left or right.. This was funny!
This is cute... you got to laugh
The Bells of
Love
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her
95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her
grandfather had died,
her grandmother replied,
'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday
morning.'
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people
nearly 100 years old
Having sex would surely be asking for
trouble.
'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny.
'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age,
we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells
would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm.
Nice and slow and even...
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the
Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
'He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come
along.'
Oil Price Rebellion
My buddy, Brent Burns has put a great song and video out about the oil companies, OPEC, our politicians and their disgusting response to oil pricing and what it's doing to the little man.
Cut and paste this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWbjSnU1OCM&fmt=18
I guess this was more than funny, TO ME!
Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job seven years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and B.S. with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless,
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore! You're a United States Senator from New York running for President of the United States. Act like one!
This was funny
I saw a Billboard
that said:
Need
Help ? Call
Jesus @ 1-800-005-3787
Out of curiosity
I called the number...
A Mexican man showed
up with a guitar and we sang songs for three hours!
Knowing your age, it's important!
An 80 year old man sits down on a park bench. Suddenly, a frog leaps onto the bench next to him
and says, " If you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful
princess!"
The old man picks up the frog and places it into
his pocket.
The frog exclaims 'What are you doing!?
Aren't you going to kiss me?".
The old man replies,
"At my age, I think I'd rather have a talking
frog."
Old Guys Rule
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm
forseveral years.Click "Read More" below to finish this cute story...
Worth Reading!
SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW
"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 ALQAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE AMERICAN"
This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, w e are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.
And after all, it is just a sign.
You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign.
Answer: A Funeral Home (Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)
You gotta love it!!!
God Bless America
Darned funny
Three young boys 7, 8 & 9 years old rescued President George Bush from drowning in the Potomac River on Friday last week. When the President offered each of them a wish to be granted for saving his life each of the first two boys asked for a thousand dollars, which the President happily agreed to give them. The third boy then asked the President for a wheelchair. President Bush paused in amazement and said, "son that's quite admirable and unselfish of you. You must have a family member who needs the help"? The boy answered, "no sir Mr. President, but when I get home and tell my dad I saved your life, well he's probably going to break both my legs and I'm gonna need that wheelchair". Have a good day all....
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